December 22, 2014
5:48 pm, UEP, Catarman N. Samar
It's almost Christmas! I got home for the holidays yesterday after a very tiring 9-hour land trip. I'm spending Christmas with my son and the rest of the family. Christmas is about giving time and love to the most important people in our lives. How about you? Are you having fun with your family, too? You are? That's great!
Anyway, I'm now watching The Bottomline at iwantv.com.ph. One of my favorite hosts in the country is interviewing my virtual mentor, Mr. Bo Sanchez. I couldn't watcht this on TV (no prepaid load, long story...)
Bo and Boy are talking about love tank...It's still loading so I'm writing a few more words. They say all people have love tank. It's important that it is full so we can also give love to the people in our lives.
So they're really talking about love. And it really feels ok to talk about it. I gotta go back watching this.
This really is an interesting and important interview. I must take notes in case I forgot and for continued learning...
This is me taking notes now...Here goes...
What is love tank?
Bo: Every person has a love tank and it needs be full in order to give love.
Boy: How do I know if my love tank is full? How & where do I get that love?
Bo: From our parents like how God designed it. Parents must fill the love tanks of their children.
For parents on giving and taking love:
We need to reparent ourselves if we are unable or not willing to accept love so that we can give love. Reparenting means accepting love from God and from the people around us who can love us. And then we can love our children.
Communicating with your children (for children with limitations or resistance to loving and nurturing parents)
Bo: Use a love language your child speaks. Sometimes parents have to listen to the experts, own their children. And then asks their children how they can love them.
For parents who believe their voice is the law in the house
Bo: Humble yourselves otherwise no communication will happen. Humility is the mother of all virtue.
Adjusting to your children's language:
Bo: You must speak your children's language. Technology. Media You know Facebook? That one and many others.
Spending time with your child:
Bo: Time is the common denominator of being a good parent. You really have to spend time with your children. Quality and quantity both are important. Love tank means you value the person. And the most spontaneous way of valuing a person is by giving time.
Bo: It is ok if the child's love tank overflows because it also means he can give so much love to others.
Boy: The biggest gift that I got from God is this life right now where I'm being given a chance to be the mother to my mother.
Boy: Maternal love is related to governance and nation-building. For me, if you are raised properly by your mother there is this big chance and potential for the child to be an effective leader.
On depression:
Bo: It is important to talk about it. Having friends around to talk to helps. And of course, prayers.
Bo: I think people don't know why their relationships are not working.
Bo: Life is like a play. There's a First Act and a Second Act. Fifty years old and below is First Act. Beyond 50 is Second Act. I believe that during your life's Second Act, you can either be miserable or happy. And this depends on what is the predominant question in your mind. If this question is "What did I lose when I aged?", there is so many. But what if you change this question to "What did I gain?" instead of "What did I lose?". For me, one, I gained FREEDOM, that I don't have to prove myself now to people. Two, I gained tenderness. I cry more easily, I value relationships more. It's all about love.
Boy: From what we study in school in Social Development, one of the strongest transformations is a result of disorienting dilemma or disequilibrium. A man should have a dilemma in order for change to take place. How can this be used by people?
Boy: Yes, you're correct. It is not always that you changed the question. Question number 1 makes you become so miserable that you find a question. You bumped into it that crisis creates humility for the solution to come up. You have to hit rock bottom
Boy: I realized that life went on even without me. I used to think that the world would not go on without me there (talking about his talk shows). It had to take over 25 years for me to realize that life went on even without me there.
Bo: I have a number of fans, just small fans. When I went to depression, I looked at it as nothing. Absolutely nothing. People would ask me if being popular gets to my head and I answer no. I want my fans club to be my children, that is so enough.
Boy: What is the fundamental of my life? I never really got sick before, This is my first time to be hospitalized. I was not bothered when people were speculating about my decision because I knew my truth is solid. And to think that got it from this experience that is when I got sick, when I was powerless, the humiliation because I was so proud.
Boy: How do you get to heaven?
Bo: I believe it's by grace that God's give to us through Jesus Christ. It's a free gift that you receive, His forgiveness is free.
Boy: Does anyone ever go to hell?
Bo: I used to give categorical question before. But as we age, we become more humble. So my answer to that is that, only God can answer that. Al I know is He loves us and wants to forgive us.
Boy: But do you believe in hell?
Bo: I believe that you can refuse the forgiveness of God and by that maybe there are people in hell. There are theologians who believe in hell but because of the very strong and adamant love of God, He will still pursue you (in hell).
Money talk:
Bo: I used to think that to love the poor, you have to be poor?
Boy: But isn't that what the church says? That God is closer to the poor? But I am wrong?
Bo: Yes. The vow of poverty is only for a chosen few, these are the missionaries, etc. It is a beautiful call but 99% of the people is being called to the vow of generosity. I realized that the ultimate purpose of wealth is to love.
Boy: Since I'm catholic, I am getting it right that I belong to a church that celebrates poverty?
Bo: It believes that poverty is a way of sanctification. However, it also believes that poverty is also evil.
Boy: Is that expressed in the church because I always here the church say I love the poor. I never heard them say I love the rich. So why is the celebration more into poverty?
Bo: Yes. The analogy is like this. You have 4 children, one is a special child or handicapped. The mother's favorite would be the one needing her special attention. And that is like our church, that is like our God. Whoever needs more love is God's favorite. But everyone is loved, both the rich and the poor.
Bo: The guilt that a person feels when he is rich and is surrounded by poor people is a wrong guilt. I realized that to love the poor, you cannot be poor like them because who will lift them up. Don't prevent yourself to be the best that you can be. God gave you gifts, use your gifts. Be the best. And when you become the best you will be rewarded.
Boy: So when you are rich how do you relate to the poor? When you have so much wealth, what is the proper behavior of the rich towards the poor?
Bo: You have to see them as children of God and that we are all equal.
Boy: How?
Bo: Dole out, It can start there but it doesn't end there.
Boy: How do you love someone who does not believe in your kind of love? How do you love someone who does not recognize your God?
Bo: I love the fact that I can offer love. And if gets rejected, I still offer it. That's God's way, too. To love someone who does not believe in what you believe in, that is wonderful. Again that is the kind of love that God has.
On what should have done right after molestation:
Bo: I should have talked my parents about what happened to me. Consequence of the issue that solved - A person starts searching for a painkiller And any kind of addiction is a painkiller.
Boy: What triggered your decision to come out?
Bo: My support group who accepted me all the time and again and again...
Bo: You have to tell your children to tell you if someone touched them (in private parts) and made them uncomfortable.
On politics:
Bo: I'm not in that equation...That is not my role.
Boy: If I were to remember just one teaching from you what would that be?
Bo: God love you.
Boy:Fame is toxic, your take.
Bo: Yes, it can be. You need that sense of maturity to be able to handle fame.
Boy:What do you do to haters.
Bo: Ignore them. Make them irrelevant to my life.
Boy: How do you forgive?
Bo: I wanna thank God it's easy for me to forgive, I don't know why. Maybe my parents loved me so well that my love tank is full.
Boy: How do you stay faithful?
Bo: I made a decision a long time ago that I would be the best husband my wife could ever have. And I want to have the best marriage I can ever have. So being proactive, being the best defense is offense. I ask y wife how I can love her more. I date her every week...
Boy: How do I find true love?
Bo: Before you look for the right person, be the right person. And then you will attract that right person into your life.
Boy: Believe you are bigger.
Bo: You have a big God, be the best you can be. It's not for you anyway, it's for others.
Boy: I'm exciting because I'm boring.
Bo: It's important being faithful but being faithful is boring.
Boy: Focus on your core gift.
Boy: I believe every person has a gift and you have to discover it and then you start blessing people. And there, that is what life is all about.
Boy: Build your network.
Bo: It's not what you know, it's who you know. Be a team. You have to have a dream team around you. If you want to grow big, you must follow a system.
Boy: How do you know that it is the voice of God?
Bo: It takes time. Like anything else in life, learning how to discern is a skill. And the start you will be confused. But as the years went by you keep on, keep on practicing and then more and more you realize that it is Lord because I already know Him. I already know His voice.
Boy: Write your epitaph.
Bo: Someone who tried to love.
And it's 12:57 am. I went overtime since I stopped work for usual chores.
I feel blessed. Thank you Lord.
Be blessed, too. Receive that blessing from God, right now.
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