I’ve been thinking for more than a week now about what I’m going to write again for my blog. What am I thinking these past few days?
Oh ok, I got one! Some time in again one of my stressful weeks, I came to remember these questions that I almost did not have any answers to. What am I really, really, really good at? What is your passion? What is your core gift? What do you want to do?
You know until April 2011 these questions made my head ache so much and made me very depressed, bitter, and purposeless because I didn’t have any answers to them and if I had one (and I wished I had one) I found it either silly or super unsure. How many times I complained to God why He would not let me remember or realize my talent? Oh there were a lot of dramas in all my adult years I’ve been through just to know what I’m really good at. Sometimes, I wish I was still in my grade school years. Back then, I had a few answers. I mean I knew the distances of each planet in the solar system to each other, to the moon, to the sun, and the names of their satellites. I loved Science, History, English, Filipino, I loved reading stories, poems, and I loved studying. Yes, I loved school. Back then I told myself I wanted to be an astronaut.
Yeah, I really believed I was good in astronomy. But then I said oh I could be anything since I believed I was almost good at everything. What, my parents? Well they did not know any of my crazy thoughts. I already said I was very shy. So I was just very silent and they did not ask, well, that was how I remembered it. And so the years went by and had to select a course for college. Well, I was surprised that I really did not know where to go. I mean what would I want to be studying and want work would I want when I graduate college? My mother told me you got to be an educator. “Oh, but Mama, are you sure?” Yes I was asking her by then. Then suggestions of being an accountant came, others a major in English, etc. I was getting desperate then since I could not decide my course. Almost all of my classmates had already done picking what and where they would be studying on for the next four or five years. There weren’t really a lot of choices for me. Some courses were not really available in the university I was going to that time. So what would I be studying? The clock kept on ticking. Then, I remember one of my high school teachers giving a lecture regarding career choices. He proudly, undoubtedly, and definitely told us, his students, that if one was weak in something, that person should be building that something up to be strong and therefore that person must choose a college course that is entirely dominating in the things where the person is weak on. Well, I believed that was what I wanted for an advice. The clouds parted when I heard that. So I chose Civil Engineering. Oh yeah, from the bottom of my heart I hated Math. 
You should just imagine what I went through all those years in college but in all fairness with myself, I survived! I am actually still a professional engineer up to now and is earning a good sum from it, thanks to God. Maybe there was just something wrong inside of me because no matter what I achieved in my career I just could not accept it 100%. I tried to find my passion, tried to study where I was good at. I tried hard. I prayed hard. I cried hard. Yes, I always had a war against myself. These went on for too long. Every time I read an article about living within your god-given talent I get sadder. I knew I had to do something. What did I do? I kept reading articles. Then I followed what they write in the articles. I just kept trying those suggestions in the articles, suggestions that were both appealing and doable by me. I promised myself that if I would rediscover my core gift, I would work on it, never let it go again, master it, share it, and relish it. I’m not really sure now if I’ve found my core gift but I’m having fun. I’m enjoying writing my thoughts down and who knows where this will take me. I began writing a blog just this April, thanks again to Jomar Hilario. I find it fun. I get to write anything I like. I get to release my thoughts here. Maybe, someday I get to write better. I just don’t really want to be bored at all if I can help it. I don’t get to do anything when I’m bored. I noticed that when I bored, my mind gets blanker and my body lazier. Therefore, I would just keep on tinkering on things, writing down notes, listing dreams, writing thoughts, reading, watching movies and writing reviews about them and anything at all. I am learning how to blog through http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=4286289
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